Jobshop UK is featured on Radio Solent
15 April 2010

Radio Solent contacted Jobshop for a "tongue in cheek" advertisment for a local MP.

Here's the advert we sent them ...........................

Wanted: Member of Parliament (M.P)

Bustling high class coastal resort town is seeking to employ a full time Member of Parliament to undertake duties regarding the representation of constituency members in the House of Commons.

We openly invite applications from anyone who feels they would fit the role; although preference will be given to applicants who have benefited from an exclusively private education - with Harrow and Eton being a particular advantage. An Oxbridge University education is a must for this role, although extent of ability in your degree related subject will be wavered in favour of proof of close friendship with famous peers and/or minor royals.

Duties

Duties will include holding regular surgeries in order to listen to the gripes and moans of the grumble-grumps of your constituency. You will be expected to relate important issues back to the House on behalf of your constituents with a vague promise of ‘Getting Something Done.’ Please note however that Members are not permitted to accept payment or sexual favours in return for bringing Matters of Apparent Importance to the House on behalf of the grumble grumps.

Other duties will include spending at least some time in the House on the frightfully uncomfortable benches listening to the Parties thrash out various laws and Issues of Concern. You will however, be allocated a spacious office with period features, personal secretary of your choice and a charge account with Staples office supplies and stationary stores. The House boasts a popular restaurant and bar for refreshments between/during sittings.

Applicants should be aware that sometimes they may be required take the GMTV sofa and be interviewed by Lorraine Kelly or the attractive one that did the Dancing on Ice thing. Should this situation arise you will be given extra coaching on how to present yourself in a favourable manner to the viewing public and be assigned a personal stylist.

Skills

We are looking for someone to whom the general voting public feel they can (erroneously) relate to. Male candidates would benefit from being relatively handsome and swarthy in order to attract the younger, female members the constituency Conversely, female candidates should not be too attractive, slim or witty as you will be viewed with suspicion and distrust by other females – especially if you have a young family and claim to have mastered the art of balancing family and working life harmoniously.

Nice, well moisturised lips are always a bonus in this position as kissing babies is required with frightening regularity – especially if a camera crew is present and you happen to be opening yet another ‘youth project’ in your constituency which we all know will be vandalised and haemorrhaging funds within a year.

‘Creative accountancy’ skills will be of immense bonus in this position – although employing you wife/husband to undertake this role would be of benefit. Please note however, that limitations on the hiring of family have sadly now been introduced.

Benefits

A mid range salary circa £60k will be offered but this should not put you off applying as the majority of members holding a position within the House will be invited by various well known and often unscrupulous companies onto their Board of Directors; whereby doing little or no work will earn you a top up income of anything up to and beyond a million a year.

We offer a competitive expenses account which, if used wisely, will allow you to purchase that holiday home in the Caribbean you have always wanted and with the House’s exceptionally long summer holidays you can expect to spend an inordinate amount of time there!

Promotion

Although promotion within the House occurs with some irregularity, an M.P. who has exercised exceptionally skill and aptitude within their role; persistently raised their public profile in a positive manner; has gained the respect of their party members and general public and most importantly managed not to feature on the front pages of the tabloids for a scandal of a sexual or financial nature, may choose to apply for the position of Prime Minister. However, we find that more often than not, ex M.P’s working for the House generally prefer to go on to less high powered and more financially rewarding positions on various Boards of Directors, as novelists and as has become particularly popular as of late; contestants on ‘Reality TV’ shows.